Anxious.

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4 days.  18 hours.  16 minutes until start time.

Last week was really tough.  It was a rough week at work and Jessica was sick.  I’ve often read in running magazines and articles on running in the morning that having a running buddy – even via text – can really help you get out the door.  It couldn’t be more true.  Knowing Jess wasn’t running made me want to stay in bed.  Knowing she wouldn’t be sending me a picture of her time gave me nothing to compete with.  Knowing she wasn’t going to pump me up and tell me to have a good run just made it feel harder.  She tried – don’t get me wrong – and sent a text to say good luck – but it just felt harder without her.  Even 4 hours away.  I suppose I didn’t realize how much I count on her for support.

Jess getting the flu has really thrown a wrench into this whole thing.  I know she’s nervous – which makes me nervous.  I know she’s concerned about fatigue – which makes me worried for her.  See – the thing is – Jess is the strong one in our partnership.  She pushes me to push myself.  She sets goals and encourages me to push towards them as well.  She’s the one who wanted to run a flipping marathon in the first place!  So now I think I may have to be the strong one on Saturday and, frankly, that’s not my strength.  I’m way better and being the support-ee than the support-er.

I’ve been starting to pack and that makes me nervous.  I’m more anxious about this race than I’ve ever been for any race.  Ever.  I think it’s that we’re not running as much because of the taper.  And the running keeps away my crazies.  I feel like I need to prepare more.  Need to run more.  Need to be more ready.

So now it’s 4 days.  18 hours.  4 minutes until go time.

I’m going to think positive.  I’m ready.  It’s happening.  I’ll cross that finish line.  I’m earning that medal and that jacket.  I will do the thing I never thought I would do.  The thing no one else ever thought I would do.  I’m going to make it happen.  I’ll be a marathoner.

 

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Christina Hagan

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